i keep finding
that as i do what i do to the best that i can do it
and then move on

i look back and want to apologize
to those people and projects i was back then

want to say i am sorry for being unaware
or scared
or just bad at art

and i want to be proud
maybe someday i'll be old enough to know i can be proud
or to know at the time that i should be working harder
and it is funny because the things i feel the worst about
look the best on paper

i'm sorry zeta
and my thesis
and that dance show i did
i'm sorry brick
and the crucible
and rocker bangs
i'm sorry santa cruz
and savings plan
i'm sorry silverlake and
burning man

i'm working on being better
at what i do
whatever it is that i do

(and what's true. what's really really true. is i am finally getting pretty in the photographs i used to hate. maybe i just need more time with it all. )

that is today