correspondence to mary:

i am having a hankering for long train rides today
and my thoughts go to russia
and the plains of africa

and she wrote something like:

hell. yes.

so i wrote back:

seriously

and then since i had more time i added:

trains across russia
across india
across africa
plumes of steam
books to read
and the gentle rocking of the cars at night
stopping in cornfields for hours
arriving in foreign cities in the hours before dawn
when everything is silent

that is the kind of day it is
like i said before.
the world is wide
and endless
and also fits on a map on my bathroom wall

some days i find it hard to imagine
that anyone was ever the first person
to arrive anywhere

train rides
my mind whispers
train rides east
as my eyes eat the ocean and sinks in all the mystery that lies west

i am wasting my time with television
rather
my reluctance to do anything else is the problem
i stay up late
to watch john and kate plus eight

then find lost love letters online
and scan through postsecret.com
i would write love letters myself
but to whom?

i made a list for my wall of things
i want in my life
tomorrow i will sew
and work out
and find lost money or a job
tomorrow
i will write what is really happening

its much too much
as it is right now
i feel like a boring broken record
a story that is always the same

i hate sleeping alone
i am learning to take up more of the bed
to lie in the middle
that is my right
i bought the damn thing

i never hog blankets when i sleep by myself
never toss and turn
i wake up and the sheets are as they were
before i got in bed
the night before

i'll chop all this up later for other pieces
about loved ones
and lost ones
and what was i thinking ones

there should be a book
or a show
where we can go
and reenact the best and worst moments
i guess that is called a wine night
or a drunk fight

i stay up late so my head gets foggy
better than drugs
or alcohol
so i can fall asleep as soon as i lay down
and not have to think
about thinking